3 Reasons Why It’s Hard to Change Your Behavior and What to Do About It?
Making a change requires courage to get out of your comfort zone and to venture out into the unknown.
Dursun Halimova
It is interesting how we decide to do what we know is bad for us and don’t do what is good. We know that exercising and eating healthy is great for our body and mind, and yet we can’t seem to motivate ourselves enough, to move or to eat those veggies. Or that our mental health is as important as our physical, and yet we feel shameful to visit a psychiatrist but are willing to endure the pain the dentist might cause us. And, we seem to find money and time to shop for things, drink out, or eat out, but we don’t find enough money and time to invest in ourselves and grow ourselves.
I don’t mean to criticize or shame anyone as I am guilty of these mischiefs myself. But I want, however, to draw your attention to the bigger picture, to notice this pattern and inconsistency between what we know is good for us and what we end up doing.
Changing your choices and behavior does not mean you stop being yourself and become someone else, or that there is something wrong with the way you are. And change does not need to be painful. You can move out of your comfort zone without feeling stressed or threatened. Transformation is not only about big life decisions but also those small things that you decide to do differently. Maybe you want to be more patient and less irritable with your kids or you want to do more focused work and less procrastination.
I encourage you to perceive change and transformation as an opportunity to grow, learn, and try new things. Learning and growth rarely take place in the comfort zone. Don’t be afraid to step out and try new possibilities for yourself. You can always get back to your comfort zone or create new ones as you progress in life.
Why do we seem to fail to change our habits?
While there are many different reasons why we struggle to alter our behavior, the following three are the most common ones I keep hearing about.
1. Prioritizing short-term pleasure/gain
For the sake of short-term pleasure, we are willing to endure the long-term discomfort of our choices and actions. You feel good immediately after you have a glass of wine, a piece of cake, or if you scroll mindlessly on Instagram. If you are feeling down, it’s a lot easier to numb your unpleasant emotions with alcohol or food, than digging deep to understand and actually feel your emotions. Many people want instant gratification and are not willing to endure short-term discomfort even if in the long run they would be better off.
2. Basing decisions on emotions
We are led by our emotions all the time. That’s why brands, organizations, and governments sell their product or idea to us by appealing to our hearts, in addition to our minds. When we are faced with a decision, we have a certain thought about it and this thought triggers a certain emotional reaction. For instance, when thinking of exercise, you might feel dread because you can imagine yourself sweating and struggling your way through those squats. Or you might have another emotional reaction where you imagine the benefits and energy you get after exercising. So, at times your emotions can dictate whether you stick to your new behavior or not.
3. Fearing the uncertainty of change
There is perceived risk and fear associated with change because it is unknown. We would rather go through the pain of the current situation rather than face the uncertainty of change, even if our current state is painful. And I don’t mean literal physical pain. It can be that you don’t like your current job, you are not in a loving relationship or you are not in good physical shape. Many people choose to stay in the discomfort of their current setup, rather than make a change because at least they are familiar with the current realities whereas they don’t know what change might bring.
How to achieve long-term and sustained change?
1. Know that it won’t be easy
The path to achieving any goal or making any change is rarely linear. It involves a lot of back and forth where you might make a little progress and fall back into your old habits. Just because you indulged yourself with a piece of cake, it does not mean you need to throw your healthy diet out of the window. It is normal and it’s ok to fall back. The most important thing is if and how you pick yourself up and continue your journey. It is not helpful to criticize yourself or put yourself down for failing to follow through perfectly. Be understanding, forgiving, and encouraging with yourself, and applaud your small accomplishments.
2. Take baby steps
Instead of having a big and vague goal, set a small and specific objective you want to reach. Starting small will help you gain confidence while minimizing the overwhelm of your new habit. If your goal is to get into a better physical shape and exercise regularly, start with 10 minutes of exercise twice a week. As you build up your strength and make it a habit, you can add more hours and days to your exercise routine. Also, trying to make a drastic change or altering multiple behaviors at once is a certain path to failure. So, focus on one small goal at a time.
3. Think about the long-term
When faced with a choice, think about the long-term consequences of your action or inaction. Ask yourself how will you feel in 10 minutes, in 10 days, in 10 weeks, and in 10 months from now after you do what you decide to do. This helps to put things in perspective and consider how this choice will affect you and your life in the future.
4. Use your thoughts and emotions
As we discussed above, your thoughts and emotions drive your behavior. So, use them to your advantage. Instead of fearing what happens if you change your job, which you hate, think about the positive things that might come out of it. You might end up finding your dream job, learning useful skills, and meeting people who you would have not met otherwise.
Change is not easy or immediate. But it is an essential part of our life. We need to evolve and adapt to the changing circumstances because life does not stay still. And the COVID-19 pandemic is a clear illustration of this as many individuals, governments, and organizations across the world had to think creatively and adjust to the new realities. Don’t wait to regret that you did not alter your choices and your daily habits a lot sooner so you could start living the lifestyle you desire.
